


Wasn't a Fragile Thing

by shmorgas



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Community: kamikazeremix, Crushes, Dream Sex, Dreamsharing, M/M, Moving On, Past Relationship(s), Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 00:57:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18355316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shmorgas/pseuds/shmorgas
Summary: just like that./That’s  how I loved you.Nate has a crush who tends to follow him into his dreams.





	Wasn't a Fragile Thing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [girlmarauders](https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlmarauders/gifts).
  * Inspired by [(fully formed) ready to run](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16965000) by [girlmarauders](https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlmarauders/pseuds/girlmarauders). 



> Happy Kamikaze girlmarauders! I hope you enjoy this remix and find the title appropriate. Like the original, it is from the Ada Limon poem. Author's commentary are in ending notes and they contain spoilers. No warnings truly apply.
> 
> Much thanks to L for beta skills!

Nate has an embarrassing crush on Mikko, and he would kindly like to die. It’s so embarrassing and it actually penetrates into his REM cycles. He’s dreaming up dates and soft kisses. Nate is so over it.

Mikko is happily oblivious to the turmoil. Everyone else smells it out so fast, and they are relentless with the chirps. It gets worse when Tyson Barrie takes charge because as his best friend, he knows that Nate’s type lean towards “intense” and “asshole.” Mikko is so different from type that it physically pains Nate in the waking world.

At least in his dreams he can pine in peace.

Mikko starts appearing in his dreams not too long after Nate discovered that yes, leggy Finnish boys do it for him too. It’s a wet dream of sorts, phantom hot kisses and the stirring of a hard on but vague enough to not turn into a “strip the bed” ending. Nate has Mikko on top of him, hands on hips and it’s really fun. This is his favorite way to make out. Though, it’s a little different when his partner is taller than him. With Jo, Nate had a snarling storm in a tiny package. With Mikko, everything is languid.

Nate tries to stop thinking about Jo.

Of course because this a dream, Mikko transforms into Jo.

“Kinky,” says dream-Jo-with-Mikko’s-voice.

Nate wakes up soon after with a shame boner.

////

The next night is surprisingly not a sex dream. Nate slides right into a familiar blanket fort, and he can’t help but laugh. Tyson groans.

“Dammit.”

Nate pulls Tyson into the little spoon position, letting his best friend pout.

“Dreamsharing is hard. I wasn’t thinking about you,” Tyson complains. Nate pokes him in the ribs.

“Did I interrupt a clandestine affair?” he teases.

“You’re the worst. Seriously, the absolute worst. I don’t know why I’m friends with you. I need you to go back to your own dream now,” Tyson orders.

“Maybe you’ll finally tell me who you’re seeing,” Nate continues to tease. He increases his poking which increases Tyson's annoyance levels. Nate should feel bad about being a pest, but it's his best friend.

“Yeah, right, I’ll do that when you admit to having a crush on Mikko,” Tyson says. Nate punches his shoulder.

“Stop telling everyone about that! It’s getting embarrassing!” he whines.

“Dude, N-Dogg, the platonic man of my life, that’s the first real truth you’ve said in a while. The crush is embarrassing to watch but also, like, good for you for moving on?”

He turns around and looks Nate straight in the eye like he’s trying to reach something deep into Nate’s soul.

“I hate waiting for ghost-Jo to arrive.”

That startles Nate out of the blanket fort. He blinks in the dark of his room, heart sinking and sheets tangled.

“Fuck,” Nate says before he turns on the lights.

////

The thing with Jo is that Nate would’ve married him if Jo let him. Nate would’ve made a life with Jo, would’ve done the long distance and the big fucking wedding, just for a chance to say that’s my husband. But Jo wouldn’t let him and it broke Nate down. So they stopped everything; the love, the friendship, the hockey catch-ups because there’s nothing left after such a colossal refusal.

This crush on Mikko is the first major indicator that Nate is moving on. Nate doesn’t want it to be complicated anymore.

////

The next time Nate dreams of Mikko, it’s on a road trip, and he’s right down the hall. The proximity makes this time a little more vivid than the last. Nate can smell Mikko from the moment the dream starts, a heady smell of athlete and expensive cologne. It’s embarrassing how much sweat turns Nate on but it’s his dream, he can safely hide his gross sexual feelings here. It’s the rink and Mikko is shooting some pucks at the net. Unlike reality, however, Dream-Mikko is dressed like he just finished getting all his gear off; Avs t-shirt and black boxer briefs. Nate’s mouth is dry as he watches Mikko’s ass as he skates.

“You’re finally here,” Mikko says with a toothy grin. “Took you long enough” is unspoken but understood. Nate laughs and looks Mikko over.

“It’s my dream, I get here when I want,” he says. A strange look comes over Mikko’s face. It disappears once Nate comes over and kisses him. Dream-Mikko, thankfully, doesn’t turn into Jo again. Nate digs his fingers into Mikko’s hips, try and slip them underneath the elastic band. There’s nothing but a memory of skin and heat but it still makes Mikko moan. Nate slides them back to the penalty box, this stereotypical fantasy of having sex in the sin bin. It’s still hot though how Dream-Mikko lets Nate move him around.

A shrill noise forces Nate back into the waking world. He throws a pillow at the damn alarm, nearly breaking a lamp in the process.

////

There’s several more nights of kissing Dream-Mikko and waking up before sex can be completed. Nate has spent more time jerking off than he has since the onset of puberty, and it’s set him on edge. He wants to launch himself at the real Mikko at the most inopportune times. He wants to have those long legs wrap around him, have real-Mikko really say sweet nothings in his ear in a tumbling mix of English and Finnish, have the dream hickeys stay. Nate has missed the marks and feelings of belonging.

“God I wish we did this in real life,” he says during one dream. They’re in the basement of his house back in Cole Harbor, making out on the couch in hoodies and basketball shorts. It really shouldn’t be hot to revisit this teenage make-out spot with the most basic of male athleisure wear. Dream-Mikko looks like he fits into this picture and Nate wants him. Nate wants Mikko not just for sex or relief from his unending thoughts about Jo.

“You can make this real life Nate,” Dream-Mikko says. He has a twinkle in his eye and Nate leans it to place soft kisses at the side of his nose.

“Of course you would say that. You’re a dream, you just say what my consciousness wants,” Nate tells him. A strange looks appears on Dream-Mikko’s face, his forehead creasing down and his shoulders rising up.

“I’m not a dream,” Dream-Mikko says, his hand resting on the side of Nate’s cheek. “Don’t you know when you invited someone to come in?”

Nate’s heart stops, and he wakes up.

“Fuck!”

He falls out of his bed and starts throwing clothing on because he needs to talk to real Mikko in person. Fuck FaceTime, fuck waiting until the morning. Nate struggles to get his car started, and all he can say is more iterations of the word fuck.

Speeding laws were meant to be broken when it is 2AM and you have to go confess to someone you like.

Nate pulls into the condo’s driveway and runs up the stairs, pounding on the door. He tries to pull out his phone to call Mikko but it’s nowhere in his hoodie pocket.

Mikko opens the door anyway, looking a little pissed.

“I’m sorry, that was a dick move of me,” Nate rushes in. Mikko raises an eyebrow. Nate feels his face warming up and, Christ on a fucking cracker, this is a mess of his own creation.

“Why don’t you come inside before you break something?” Mikko says pointedly. Great, now this is going to ruin their line, ruin any kind of friendship, all because Nate can’t tell when he invited someone to dreamshare. Better get over it. He follows Mikko into the condo and right into the kitchen.

“I’m sorry I left you hanging. I’m awful at dreamsharing, you can ask Tyson, I just walk into places I’m not invited and no one is really able to walk into my dreamscape, except for my ex? And sometimes Sid but that doesn’t count because he’s able to walk anywhere he wants,” Nate rambles, an amazing start to a long overdue apology. He runs his hand through his hair and he needs to move his eyes up from Mikko’s feet to his eyes. Nate needs to get him to understand, and he’s failing if he can’t look those eyes.

“But you invited me,” Mikko states. His arms are crossed and Nate notices he’s shirtless. Not the time.

“Yeah, which is why it’s shittier on my part. I just didn’t expect you to really be there. And if I knew you were there, I wouldn’t have done like half the things I did,” Nate says.

“Like sucking my dick?” Mikko asks.

“Uh no not that. I like sucking dick, not ashamed of it. My ex is Jo, I mean you already know that since you took his appearance that first time. I didn’t expect you and I’m sorry that it sounds like I’m a complete closet case. I want to be careful because I really, really, really like you. More than just being a great liney,” Nate explains. He wants to put his hands on Mikko but he’s not sure if it’s welcomed.

“I got a shit load of baggage and it’s difficult for me at times to deal with that. I’m hoping you’ll forgive me for my jackass behavior and we can try to date.”

Mikko takes one of Nate’s hands, and interlaces their fingers, giving a squeeze.

“I would like that,” he says. Mikko pulls Nate into his space, pulling Nate’s face up so they can have their first kiss in the waking world.

Kissing Mikko is like a gentle spring day. Nate feels his warmth seep into his bones and it’s better than the dreams. Mikko has touchable skin, his smell isn’t muted, the heat Nate feels going straight to his dick is threatening to consume him. He lets out a whimper.

“Needy and greedy. I like that,” Mikko whispers. The kisses become heated, and Nate finds himself lifted up, his legs wrapped around Mikko’s waist. It’s unexpectedly hotter than having Mikko wrapped around him, that he can move Nate around like that.

“Fuck,” he groans.

“I want you so bad. No more stops,” Mikko says, nipping at Nate’s ear lobe.

“Good. Fucking A, bed or couch? Not picky,” Nate says, his voice turning it into a breathy moan. Sensitive ears.

“I want you in my bed.”

And suddenly it turns into a fireman’s carry. Or at least, it’s an attempt before Nate’s natural thickness forces Mikko to drop him. He can’t help but laugh as he runs up the stairs.

“Too dummy thic for you?” Nate calls back down the stairs.

“Oh fuck you!” Mikko yells, chasing him up. Nate runs into the room where he waits, letting the joy bloom in his chest as Mikko lightly tackles him to the bed. He’s covering Nate with a long body and lingering touches. Nate kisses Mikko all over his face.

“You’re ridiculous,” he tells him.

“You still like it,” Mikko says. Nate kisses him as an answer.

They don’t talk for a long time after. They already said what they needed to say.

**Author's Note:**

> \- Dummy thicc was a natural choice after my beta mentioned that Nate is too thick for a fireman carry. Who am I to deny the internet an appropriate use of the meme?
> 
> \- The author has believes that Tyson is hooking up with Gabe. 
> 
> \- Jo's involvement in the story was a risk that I hope paid off. This is a story about the future.


End file.
